Empowerment, self-esteem and self-confidence come come
from freedom to grow and stretch, right? Not completely true! Are you surprised?
Powerful ways of being in the world don't just show up in our kids even if we
give those qualities the space to develop.
What can a parent do to encourage qualities that lead to success?
When our first child was born my wise mother said,
“Your children will be a strong as the wall they have to push against.” This
was not the only advice she shared, but it was one that stuck with me for a
long time. Twenty-eight years later I still remember and am so glad she shared this
wisdom. A "Strong Wall" attitude worked as a parenting tool in our family.
What is being a “Strong Wall” parent?
A “Strong Wall” is quite different from a “support,
nurture and they will find their way” attitude that prevails in many homes
today. Don't get me wrong; I’m an advocate for supporting and nurturing. AND
parents can amp that up further by consistently holding their kids accountable
and responsible.
Why advocate for strong a “Strong Wall” type of
parent? Here are some solid reasons:
Boundary Setting makes kids feel safe.
It is a parent’s job to provide secure boundaries from which kids can explore
the world. Parents will be helping their child be bold enough to explore
expressly because they an authority that they can count on. There are a lot of
authorities that aren’t so reliable. Parents can teach their kids to make good
decisions by being consistently firm, supporting and using boundaries.
The Pre-Frontal lobe isn’t fully developed
until a person is in their twenties! This is the part of the brain that is
active during the decision making process. Helping children to develop good decision-making
processes is good for the growing brain. By the time they enter young
adulthood, and the brain is near completion of its growth, they will be
familiar with what a good decision feels like and what it produces for them.
Parental boundaries interrupt the sense a
child might have of a right to do or have something. Developing an
attitude of entitlement can be short-circuited though use of clear parental
boundaries. These boundaries help kids know that the world wasn't built just
for them. Imparting a realistic view of the world helps children fit in better socially,
emotionally and scholastically.
Bumping up against boundaries helps
children grow. Struggles are where we experience our biggest growth
opportunities. With well thought out boundaries the struggles can be
manageable, creating the opportunity for success. This process of struggle and
success is what builds self-confidence and self-esteem. What a great reason for
setting boundaries!
Even though you might get push back, parents who
practice regular boundary setting are not being mean or unfair. Just the
opposite! The parent who constantly caves in is creating a situation where the
child is more powerful than the parent. Can you imagine anything scarier for a
young child that feeling more powerful than his parents who are in charge of
protecting him or her?
Being a supportive and nurturing parent while holding
your kids accountable to reasonable expectations is a great way for parents to
guide their kids to becoming independent, responsible adults.
If you need help setting boundaries in your home,
reach out. We will make the process of learning and implementing boundaries manageable
and rewarding for you and your family. The Navigators Way is happy to help!
Parents, do
you have questions raising your child with learning issues? You can raise confident
capable kids despite learning issues. Reach out for answers to your most
perplexing questions today!
Becky Scott