Setting Limits: A Place for Humor

     “Mom, can I have this?”

     “No, you cannot. Put it down.” 

     “But Mom, I need this toy!” 

     “You can’t have it, put it down. I already said no; I don’t           know why it’s so hard for you to understand that. We need       to go anyway.” 

     “MOOOOOMMMM!!!” Cue the meltdown...

How many times has this scenario happened to you? When children become frustrated, angry, or anxious, it can be difficult to diffuse the situation. Limits can seem like challenges, and yelling can be a powerful way for a child to protest their disagreement. However, it is possible to regain the upper hand with the timely use of humor. 

What would happen if instead of responding with frustration, you responded with empathy, sprinkled with humor? How would that change the interaction and your feelings about each other? Let’s rewind the situation we just examined and make a few changes.

     “Mom, can I have this?”

     “No, you cannot. Put it down.” 

     “But Mom, I need this toy!”

     “You need it? Oooooh, it’s so tough to want something so much and not be able to have it.”                Pause. “You know what I want right now but can’t have? Ice cream. All of the ice cream in the          world. But where would I put it? Would there be a large enough bowl?”

     “No way! You’d have to use a bathtub, or maybe even a pool!”

The whole tone of what happens after a limit is set can depend on the parent.  How you respond greatly impacts the direction your child will move.  In the first example, the parent was clearly frustrated (understandably so) and in a hurry to move on.  The child did not feel heard, so he made sure he was heard with a yell!  In the second example, the parent acknowledged the child’s feelings, gave him space to have the feeling, and then moved forward with a dose of random silliness.  This allowed the child to move on from the stuck place of not getting what he wanted. 

Children tend to follow a parent’s lead. 

Where do you want to take them? 

Emily Herber is a child and family therapist at the Center for Psychological Services.

Post-Graduate Programs: A Precollege Option for Students with LDs

The transition to college is stressful and sometimes overwhelming for many first year students.  For those with a diagnosed learning disability, however, the challenges that arise can feel insurmountable.  Just because a student has graduated from high school and has been accepted to the college of his/her choice, does not necessarily mean that s/he is prepared for the next step.  Many students struggle, not just with the new academic requirements placed upon them at the college level, but also the emotional and social components that come along with this new phase in their lives.  Many students are ill prepared for the new-found independence, relative lack of structure and new social opportunities. 

One option that can assist the college-bound student is participation in a post-graduate, or 13th year, of high school.  Many traditional post-graduate, or PG, programs have a boarding component that allows students to experience living away from home, while still under the watch and guidance of professionals.  Students participating in PG programs also have the chance to take higher-level classes, further develop interests to explore in college, and participate in athletics. 

At Woodlynde School, we have developed a PG program for local students who need an additional year of academic and social growth before moving on to college.  Developed in conjunction with Rosemont College, students take two classes each semester in the mornings at Rosemont College. In the afternoons, students attend math and writing classes at Woodlynde School, and receive further instruction in study skills needed for success in college.  In addition, participating students can enjoy an extra-curricular activity at Rosemont College to help expose them to the social opportunities available at college.  For students who are successful in the program, they have the added advantage of automatic acceptance to Rosemont College for the following year.

Other post-graduate programs exist throughout the country.  While some may not be right for students with learning disabilities, many are worth exploring as a possible alternative to direct college matriculation.   Here are two other outstanding PG programs:

http://www.thamesacademy.org/index? - Thames Academy at Mitchell College

http://www.bridgtonacademy.org/ - Bridgton Academy

Thanks,

Kristen Tabun
Director of College Guidance
Woodlynde School

What's Important about a Family Social Media Policy?

Social media, as a method of communication, is probably here to stay. Witness the IPOs of social media companies like Facebook and Instagram and the increasing use by folks from all age groups and walks of life. Did you know that there is more email on Facebook than on the rest of the internet? If you aren't on board, well, your missing out on part of the mainstream.

For our kids with learning issues, there is reason to pause. Not retreat; just pause. Pause long enough to learn the benefits and the risks.  For many of our children, the internet and social media, and all it has to offer, has been a tremendous boon.

What is concerning about social media?

What is it about social media that is concerning that we should be aware of?

·      Social interaction is different when it isn’t interactive. For millennia humans have used many pieces of communication to interact; body language, voice tones and pace to name a few. We are social creatures used to reading subtle cues that help us figure out what is meant by the words we hear. Many of these pieces of communication are greatly diminished or altogether missing when interacting on social media.

·      There can be less of a “governor” applied when the impact of your communication is not seen or felt.  Cyber bullying can easily happen, because pieces of communication are missing. A lack of non-verbal feedback can create a tendency to go to far with what is said. A large opportunity for misinterpretation of what was meant can also arise because of not having all the tools of communication in play.

·      The lack of feedback surrounding an interaction can create anxiety. This anxiety can be subtle and hard to notice yet impact the life of our children in ways that make them less confident and unsettled.

·      Reality can be easily manipulated and pass as truth. Pictures can be airbrushed and words can be chosen to create images that just aren’t true. A young person might feel intimidated, inadequate or badly about communications that are not what they seem.

How can you make social media “safe” for kids of all ages?  How do you parent to these issues?

·      Engage in honest conversations with your children about how social media interactions are different. Go over the points above illustrating how social media is different from a conversation on the phone or in person. Awareness is a big part of learning how to use social media.

·      Provide social options that offer different ways of communicating. Talk about the different ways of communicating. Ask which your child is most comfortable with and why.

·      Role model good behavior. Are you on your phone or texting often? Do you meet for coffee with friends? Talk about the balance of different ways of communicating that you use in your life.

·      Offer tech free zones in your house where the spoken word is king!

·      Add tech free hours like homework time, dinner-time, trips in the car and the first 30 minutes home from school or work. You will be amazed at how rich these times can be!

Get clear on your family social media policy!

One on one, eye to eye is the place to start this conversation.  Spend time with your child, whether they are youngsters or older teens, and decide what works for your family.  Use some or all of the above ideas to determine what works best for your family. Your kids need and want your influence and boundaries even though it doesn't always seem like it. Remember that these boundaries will strengthen your bonds and allow for trust to flourish.

Becky Scott
Becky works with families that experience learning issues that are looking for answers to perplexing questions in order to help them lead productive and successful lives!

TheNavigatorsWay.com

What's the Deal with Retained Reflexes?

At Easyread, we work with parents around the world who have tried various therapies to help their children succeed. One that is rising in prominences is Retained Reflexes Therapy - or Primary Reflex Training.  Perhaps you've heard of it in your work, or have experienced it directly.  If so, please do leave your thoughts in a comment!

If not, here is one parent's story.

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“During the summer holidays this year, we decided to arrange for Sammy to meet up with a Speech Therapist in France and Caroline Hurst a Behavioral Optometrist working in St Neots, Cambridgeshire.

A speech therapist had already confirmed that Sammy had some measurable difficulties with reading and spelling but reassured us that we were on the right track trying to help him with the use of a private tutor and signing up for Easyread, however, it also showed we needed some additional specialist help. A few days later we met with Caroline Hurst as Easyread had already identified Sammy had some eye-tracking difficulties that we felt needed further investigation. Yet, we were not sure what to expect from our appointment… From the beginning it was clear this was a very different eye examination to anything we had attended before! It started with a Q&A session, followed by very comprehensive testing that lasted for over an hour, after which we were moved to another room where much to our surprise, Caroline asked Sammy to perform some exercises, that included hopping, skipping, commando-style crawling, balancing etc. She explained that probably as a consequence of Sammy walking early and by-passing much of the important crawling phase, he had inadvertently missed some essential developmental steps. She tested for five primary reflexes (Moro, Tonic Labyrinth Reflex (TLR), Spinal Galant (SG), Asymmetrical Tonic Neck Reflex (ATNR), and Symmetrical Tonic Neck Reflex (STNR)) noting that the presence of TLR, STNR and Moro reflexes were still very apparent, which she strongly believed had greatly affected his learning of gross and fine motor skills, crucial to visual development.

We were assured that by completing a course of Ocular Vision Therapy (OVT), Sammy would almost certainly begin to perform better at school and resolve his reading difficulties. We were given literature and Sammy was shown exercises he needed to complete everyday. We were given a diary to keep track of his progress and we made an appointment to connect on Skype so Caroline could conduct a progress evaluation one month later. In addition, she also prescribed bi-focal glasses for Sammy to be worn for reading, writing, board work and whilst watching T.V. or working on his computer.

Elation, confusion, shock, scepticism and guilt were just some of the emotions we experienced during the two hour drive back to our home in Suffolk. Could walking early really be at the root of all Sammy’s problems?

Three days later Sammy received his new glasses which he found challenging to wear at first, but has now adapted to very well and seems to love his new ‘intellectual’ image!

It has been over three months and Sammy’s progress has been impressive; his confidence has grown, he no longer yawns constantly when asked to read.  His attention span, focus, comprehension and memory have dramatically improved, meaning he no longer follows the repetitive rhythm of learning, forgetting and repeating his lessons.  His marks have improved in recitation and dictation, as well as mental arithmetic.  Despite being good at math, he could never recite his times tables.  He would learn them and then forget almost immediately!  So, it is amazing to us that he has committed most of them to memory, and finally this week, to my delight he has read his first ‘proper’ book in English from cover to cover, albeit with a few pronunciation errors!"

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David Morgan is CEO of Morgan Learning Solutions, publishers of the Easyread System. Easyread is an online course for children who are struggling with reading and spelling due to dyslexia, auditory processing disorder, undiagnosed difficulties, visual issues, poor working memory, and more. 

Success Stories Offer Hope for Individual with Learning Disabilities

Over the past few months, I have been telling you about Darren Scott and his family.  You’ll recall that Darren was a youngster I tested when he was in the second grade.  His was a family who brought remarkable skill to understanding the impact a learning disability had not only on Darren, but the whole family.  Let’s fast forward 15 years and see how the Scott family is doing…

I heard from Darren this past summer.  Now in his 20’s and a college graduate, he had recently started a new job.  He was excited about his work and felt skilled in the interpersonal elements required in his current position, but dysgraphia continued to affect his required writing language skills.  He called to ask if I could provide documentation that would enable him to use voice dictation software at work.  How happy I was to do so!  This simple request, one so easily fulfilled, enabled Darren to continue using the technology and accommodations that had supported his achievement throughout this education.  His self-awareness and ability to advocate for himself continued to be a critical facet of his success, as his learning disability had not gone away.  He had learned to use tools that prevent difficulties from hindering his progress, and he needed the same accommodations in the workplace.

Darren’s mother, Becky Scott, also a contributing blogger on this site, raised her boys and then embarked on becoming trained as a coach.  She specializes in guiding families through the process of understanding the effect that the presence of a learning disability has on the family.  Becky teaches her clientele to create power and momentum rather than being hindered by learning disabilities.  Her practice is avidly supported by her husband, Rich.  It is my experience that many parents find a new identity for themselves as they learn to navigate the world of education, self-esteem, and peer relationships for their learning disabled child.  Is that perhaps occurring for you too?

Darren and Nelson are unusually close for brothers at this stage of life, having discovered in one another true friendship.  Rather than feeling resentful by the additional attention his brother required from their parents in their school years, Nelson has a rich understanding of who Darren is and the gifts and challenges his learning disability created for both of them. 

Why have I shared the story of the Scott family?  
What is the take away for you, the parent of a youngster with a learning disability?  It seems to me that this story illustrates many elements that are of benefit to all families who are similarly affected by the presence of a learning issue.  The way the Scotts operated, can become a roadmap for any such family.  

Let’s take a look at the tools they used, and which you can too:

·       They listened to their instincts and to one another. 

·       They sought input from a knowledgeable professional, even when those who worked with their child in the school setting minimized their concerns.

·       They recognized that identifying the issues at hand was only the first step in a lifelong process and that ongoing conversation between all family members was essential to the well-being of themselves and each of their children. 

So I encourage you to:

·       Always trust your gut about your child. 

·       Find the professionals you need to guide you in understanding your child and what he or she needs at home and in school.

·       Include everyone in the family in these conversations.

·       And finally, but perhaps most importantly, listen to what your child is telling you.

These tools will help you and your children navigate the challenges ahead.

May we all be well,    Jennifer