This week I spoke with a mom of three kids who all have learning disabilities. What a busy household! To top it all off, she has learning issues herself. Listening to “everyone’s everything” can feel a bit overwhelming to her at times. No doubt it feels that way to you sometimes too.
Listening differently to learn more
Learning issues can make an
average challenge into a super challenge in the blink of an eye. How we listen
to a challenge is the first step in handling the challenge in a positive way.
Listening creatively and with clarity set us up to help in the best way
possible.
Think about the last time
you listened to a challenge your child, your spouse or a friend shared
with you. What is the first thing that happened as you were listening? The most
common answer is, “ I began to think of how I could help the person solve their
problem”. This is a noble answer. However, what it really does is take your “ears” and
mind away from the job of listening. This noble answer maybe not the best
answer.
Even a good listener can
amp up the quality of listening by learning how to use Level 1, 2 & 3
listening. Use the skills below to hear more of what is happening whenever you find yourself listening. Each of the 3 Levels of Listening will provide different
information. Try all three for a few minutes as a part of each conversation you
engage. What different information do you learn as a result listening in
different ways?
Listening at Level 1, 2 and 3
Level 1 listening puts attention squarely on us listening to our own
thoughts judgments, feelings and conclusions about the conversation at hand. Is
that what your conversation partner really wanted? Maybe not! Maybe they wanted
help thinking through THEIR questions! What were their questions and their
interpretation of what is happening? You don't really know if you are lost in your own interpretation. There is much to learn with greeting a
story with questions instead of “telling” what you think. Level 1 listening only shares your thoughts about what you think is happening.
Level 2 listening, in contrast, has the attention of the
listener with a sharp focus on the other person. Every word, emotion and
shifting energy of the speaker has an impact on the listener. A great example of Level 2
listening is two lovers talking on a park bench. They appear as though the rest
of the world has melted away. There is a lot of learning by the listener happening in this scenario.
Level 3 listening has the listener aware of everything that is
happening in the space where the conversation is being held: the conversation
at hand, sounds and actions around the conversation and how the listener and speaker are
thinking and feeling. In other words, Level 3 incorporates parts of all three
levels. There is a softer focus than the intensity of Level 2 and a partial
attention to self as in the Level 1 conversation. Level 3 focus allows for
non-verbal cues to be center stage and intuition to play a vital role.
Improve your communication
capacity by becoming familiar and actively engaging in level 1, 2 & 3 listening. It will not take long to see the impact on
how children, spouse and friends make choices, move themselves toward what they
want and what they value all because of being heard differently. Listening
deeply and creatively will better prepare you to truly make a difference.
Parents, do you have questions raising
your child with learning issues? We can help you raise confident, capable kids
despite learning issues. Reach out for answers to your most perplexing
questions today!
Becky Scott
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