Goal Setting 2015! On-Ramp to Success

What would January be with out goals? Most people re-do their goals in January.

 How do you engage in the sticky job of helping your children engage in goals that will be good for them? Looming large in this activity is the knowledge that setting a goal for someone else is a recipe for disaster!

Research comes to the rescue in this case. Taking a look at the latest research could improve the odds of you helping your child set goals that they actively engage in. Carol Dweck, Ph.D. and her approachable book Succeed – How we Can Reach Our Goals, It is written for everyone from an entrepreneur to a stay at home mom. All readers will leave with insights to their goal setting process as well as helping others set attainable goals.

Here are a few choice suggestions to consider when helping your kids set goals.

• Own the goal: Instead of assigning a goal, give your child several options to choose from. The act of choosing will add to their understanding of the value and rational of the goal itself. This deeper understanding increases ownership of the journey and the results. You structure goals that will be beneficial and let your child engage the goals that speak to them.

• Make it a “Get Better” goal: Help to frame a goal so it is seen in an “I will Get Better at this” verses “Be Better than others” framework. Your child will focus on self-improvement rather than comparison and that helps with motivation and perseverance among other things.

• Make it Personal: Use the right triggers to unconsciously or consciously motivate a child to work steadily toward a goal. This can come in the form of an agreed upon reward or a celebration around something intrinsic to the completion of the goal.

Success is a determining factor in Self Confidence and sustained Motivation. Creating success comes from a many little steps, goal setting being one, as it directs the child’s attention to worthy behavior in pursuit of a longer term desire. Thoughtful attention applied to goal setting is an important step in helping our children experience success while they increase their capacity to manage themselves well in the world.

Parents, do you have questions raising your child with learning issues? You can raise confident capable kids despite learning issues. Reach out for answers to your most perplexing questions today!

Becky Scott

TheNavigatorsWay.com

4 Tips to Deal With Difficult News

Picture yourself in an IEP meeting or conference with a teacher. The conversation turns to a difficult topic concerning your child. You know you want to hear them out but you can feel your blood pressure starting to rise…. Raising kids with learning disabilities and/or attention challenges has its moments. Any parent knows this is true.

What do you do during these challenging moments to help yourself really hear what the person has to tell you? When the listening gets difficult, what do you do to stay connected? You will always be able to determine the value of what they have to say later, but not if you don't hear it now!

Here are four tips to use when the listening gets difficult. With practice, these will allow you to listen deeply despite the frustration you might be experiencing:

• Listen Non-Judgmentally: Assume the information you are listening to is just one person’s opinion. That opinion matters but it isn’t the end all and be all. Learn to look for the grain of truth in every encounter.

• Ask for Honesty and Truthfulness: To find clarity about what is being said, ask for truth and honesty – not just nice talk. Nice doesn’t always bring clarity. Nice tries to mollify. If you have a challenging situation, getting to the heart of the issue is more important than cloaking the truth in “nice”.

• Focus on the Future: When faced with a challenge, it is easy to get bogged down in the details of the past or present. This usually doesn’t help after the basic level of understanding is achieved. Knowing where to direct your energy to make changes is critical. Ask future oriented questions to help determine your next steps.

• Write Down and Confirm Key Points: When encountering difficult information the emotional component hampers us from remembering what we heard. Confirm what you heard as wrap up for your meeting. Write it all down for reference. Keep all your child’s information in one folder or notebook for easy access.

Using these tips your conversation will be better focused and you will better understand and remember what is said. This makes reengaging easier. Challenges often aren’t solved in one meeting. Solutions are built over time with cooperation and collaboration. As a parent, using these tips will help you connect in the best way possible ensuring solid solutions for all.

Parents, do you have questions about your child with learning issues? You can raise confident capable kids despite learning issues. Reach out for answers to your most perplexing questions! 

Becky Scott

www.TheNavigatorsWay.com

Frustration is FRUSTRATING! Simple ideas to combat frustration.

It’s hard to know what to say or do 

when someone is frustrated!

This emotion gets in the way of progress in school, social encounters and the quality of interactions as a family. Often times, as parents, we understand a reason for being frustrated but agreeing with the frustrated person doesn’t change the problem. It's well, SO FRUSTRATING!!!

So what do you do about frustration when it rears its head in family life? People with learning disabilities feel frustration perhaps more often than their counterparts with out LD. Knowing how to use a couple simple tools will help with the frustration while building life skills and supporting confidence and self-esteem.

           

Always speak the truth: Your child or young adult needs to hear the truth; empty praise or pacifying wont cut it! Praise the effort invested even though the situation may have created frustration.

Don't engage in comparisons: Discourage comparisons with others! We are all individuals on different paths and celebrating that is important. Guiding a young person to use strengths to overcome weaknesses can be a way to focus on the individual instead of comparing to others.

Increase overall understanding of a situation: use the SLOW methodology to remove confusion, hopefully breaking down the frustration.

o   S – Stop: the conversation or action and take 3 breaths! This creates a little space to decide what comes next.

o   L – Look: around and take note of what is happening all around you. Everything that is going on can provide you with information.

o   O – Overview: to create a better understanding of all parts of the situation. How do all the different parts of a situation come together to create the frustrating situation?

o   W - WHAT: Ask the “What” questions to find a path forward. What is important? What do you want to have happen? What does how you are acting have to do with the frustration? What next steps do you need to take?

Create a Frustration signal: Sometimes recognizing you are frustrated is part of the problem! Create a secret signal so a parent can signal that frustration is present. This brings the frustration out in to the open and it can be dealt with.

Another helpful trick is to have a mantra that is repeated to create focus on problem solving instead of letting stress and frustration build. An example could be to use the word “SLOW” to remind you of the steps above.

Frustration is a part of life and people with learning disabilities know this better than most! Use these tips and tricks to increase the feeling of being in control even when frustration is present. 

Let us know how these work for you!

Warmly,

Becky Scott

BScott@TheNavigatorsWay.com