4 Tips to Deal With Difficult News

Picture yourself in an IEP meeting or conference with a teacher. The conversation turns to a difficult topic concerning your child. You know you want to hear them out but you can feel your blood pressure starting to rise…. Raising kids with learning disabilities and/or attention challenges has its moments. Any parent knows this is true.

What do you do during these challenging moments to help yourself really hear what the person has to tell you? When the listening gets difficult, what do you do to stay connected? You will always be able to determine the value of what they have to say later, but not if you don't hear it now!

Here are four tips to use when the listening gets difficult. With practice, these will allow you to listen deeply despite the frustration you might be experiencing:

• Listen Non-Judgmentally: Assume the information you are listening to is just one person’s opinion. That opinion matters but it isn’t the end all and be all. Learn to look for the grain of truth in every encounter.

• Ask for Honesty and Truthfulness: To find clarity about what is being said, ask for truth and honesty – not just nice talk. Nice doesn’t always bring clarity. Nice tries to mollify. If you have a challenging situation, getting to the heart of the issue is more important than cloaking the truth in “nice”.

• Focus on the Future: When faced with a challenge, it is easy to get bogged down in the details of the past or present. This usually doesn’t help after the basic level of understanding is achieved. Knowing where to direct your energy to make changes is critical. Ask future oriented questions to help determine your next steps.

• Write Down and Confirm Key Points: When encountering difficult information the emotional component hampers us from remembering what we heard. Confirm what you heard as wrap up for your meeting. Write it all down for reference. Keep all your child’s information in one folder or notebook for easy access.

Using these tips your conversation will be better focused and you will better understand and remember what is said. This makes reengaging easier. Challenges often aren’t solved in one meeting. Solutions are built over time with cooperation and collaboration. As a parent, using these tips will help you connect in the best way possible ensuring solid solutions for all.

Parents, do you have questions about your child with learning issues? You can raise confident capable kids despite learning issues. Reach out for answers to your most perplexing questions! 

Becky Scott

www.TheNavigatorsWay.com

Using Imaginary Play with Your Child

Recently I’ve been sharing some of the skills involved in filial therapy, including structuring and empathic listening. Today we’ll take a look at how imaginary play helps children learn and grow, and how playing with your child can strongly benefit your relationship.

What is Imaginary Play?

Imaginary play occurs when a child asks you to enact a role in their play, much like a director would ask of an actor in the theater. When a child invites you to take on an imaginary role with them, they are engaging you in a very active process. Whereas empathic listening involves reflections of the child’s feelings from an observational standpoint, imaginary play is all about participation.

There are Several Ways to Take on Such a Role: 

1. One option is to ask the child what they’d like to see in the role. For example, if the child assigns you the role of teacher, you might ask if you’re a strict teacher or a relaxed teacher.
2. Another option is to play the role however you feel. In this example, you might start off as a relaxed teacher and then become strict (or introduce another character to the play).
3. In Filial Therapy, the suggestion is to read the child’s tone and guess what they’re looking for, trusting that they will tell you if you are wrong. For example, you might begin as a teacher giving directions in a neutral tone, and the child may then instruct or direct you to, “Be mean!” or, “Pretend you’re really nice.” 

Why it’s Important to Consider These Factors or Play a Certain Way?

In everyday life, play can be flexible and dynamic, with both parties contributing to the story line. However, if your goal is to better understand and connect with your child’s concerns and issues, you may want to give option 3 a try. When you’re able to play the character the way the child directs, you’ll have a better chance at relating to your child’s needs and helping him or her work through any questions or situations with which they may need help.

How Can Imaginary Play Help Kids?

Imaginary Play allows the child to try out different ways of acting and to take another’s perspective. It allows the child to take risks and within the confines of a safe environment to help develop a sense of self. If you’re able to respond to your child’s wishes for the play, you’ll likely find that your child will look to connect with you as well.

Emily Herber McLean, LPC is a child and family therapist at The Center for Psychological Services. To learn more about her practice, visit www.centerpsych.com.

3 Things Parents Can Learn

It's September! As parents we are busy getting kids lined up for school and activities, schedules coordinated for carpools, volunteering in the classroom room, keeping the home front running smoothly and our work life balanced. With the predictable influx of newness the fall brings, we do what ever we can to help things settle into a smooth pattern.

Adding a few simple things to your list will make it all go even more smoothly. Yes! I did say add a few things! These little gems will actually slow your life down. Dig in and take these jewels seriously. Just like you expect your kids to shift into a new pattern, you too can make a few changes and see big impact.

To slow this crazy time down:

•    Listen more. You do not need to have an answer for every question your kids ask! When they ask you a question, return their question with a question. This will shift them into think mode. To often we do the thinking for our kids, hampering their learning and curiosity.  HINT: Half the questions kids ask they already know the answer to. It is empowering for them to answer their own questions. BTW, this works on husbands, too!

•    Watch for opportunities to praise. We know to do this and we try, don’t we? Sometimes, instead of praising, we "nag the negatives" as a result of having too much on our minds. Here is a trick to up the ante on praise and cut back on the  nagging..."pay yourself" to do it!  When you notice yourself giving a really good bit of praise vow to "pay yourself" with a personal treat. When you notice yourself holding back on a "nagging moment", treat yourself again! Prearrange your treat so you’re sure to follow through on the reward.

•    Vow to take two things OFF YOUR LIST each day Yes, off your list! (Feels better already, right?) We all know we are TO BUSY most of the time. By not changing this behavior we are role modeling the insanely busy attitude as normal for our kids. It makes us snippy, less effective and frankly less fulfilled. Is this what we want to model for our kids?

These are three ways you can add time and quality to your life. And this way of “being” has you acting as a better role model for your kids. Enjoy adding these time and sanity savers to your To Do list today!

Parents, do you have questions raising your child with learning issues? You can raise confident capable kids despite learning issues. Reach out for answers to your most perplexing questions today!

Becky Scott

TheNavigatorsWay.com

Helping Kids with Learning Disabilities Make Great Decisions

Helping Kids Make Great Decisions!

Most parents want to teach their children to make good decisions. Decision-making skills help a child feel confident and act proactively. Without these skills, a child is less confident, and they can be afraid to step out of their comfort zone.  It’s hard to be confident and proactive when you are unsure of how to make decisions!

Use the Assess Options/Decide Responsibly Model for Decision Making:
Here is the good news … Teaching your children decision-making skills is easy! Explain decision making as a process and it becomes much more understandable and straightforward. When introducing the concept of decision making, use the slogan Assess Options/Decide Responsibly to remember the steps.

·     Cultivate the ability to assess  - look as deeply at the situation as possible, thoroughly discussing it to become familiar with all aspects. Build a vision of what you want as an end result.

·     Identify options– With an end result in mind, review what you know about the situation from as many different perspectives as you can come up with. This will give you a list of ways to reach your desired result. Entertain the absurd to the predictable – include as many options as you can dream up!

·     Decide on a course – Choose a course and stick with it until completion, or until a change in course is required. Seek input on your progress along the way from those you trust. This is key to the process – it is a method of checking progress.

·     Take responsibility for self and actions –See your decision through to completion. Include a change of course, if necessary, without abandoning the process or blaming others for how things are going.

Working through this model with young children who are learning about making decisions and young adults who have already made many decisions in their lives, will build confidence with the process. Use a current situation and help them identify which decision-making stage they are in, discuss possible next steps and review steps they have taken.

Many Kids Learn Though Indirect Experiences!
Parents can also promote good decision-making by sharing their own decision-making process. Demonstrating how you use the steps can make this come alive for your children.

·     Share with your children, in an age appropriate way, challenges you are facing and what you did to solve them.

·     Talk about how you created options, deciding how to take action and working on follow through. 

·     Show your children that you are comfortable asking for input before making decisions. This shows that seeking advice is a key way to help with the process.

·     Have your child role-play action-oriented strategies for resolving their decision-making difficulties. Role-playing is a great way to increase confidence with decision-making. 

Kids Learn Best when Enjoying the Experience:
Have fun with this! We all retain information best if we enjoy the process. Teaching this skill is a great way to engage in meaningful conversation with your kids, and you will be creating decision-making that will be more reliable and predictable and having a good time while doing so. And don’t forget, Assess Options/Decide Responsibly gives structure to an important life skill we use every day!

This is important stuff...let’s talk!
Becky Scott, Family Coach at The Navigators Way.com

Becky works with families with learning issues that are looking for answers to perplexing questions so that they may lead productive and successful lives!