3 Things Parents Can Learn

It's September! As parents we are busy getting kids lined up for school and activities, schedules coordinated for carpools, volunteering in the classroom room, keeping the home front running smoothly and our work life balanced. With the predictable influx of newness the fall brings, we do what ever we can to help things settle into a smooth pattern.

Adding a few simple things to your list will make it all go even more smoothly. Yes! I did say add a few things! These little gems will actually slow your life down. Dig in and take these jewels seriously. Just like you expect your kids to shift into a new pattern, you too can make a few changes and see big impact.

To slow this crazy time down:

•    Listen more. You do not need to have an answer for every question your kids ask! When they ask you a question, return their question with a question. This will shift them into think mode. To often we do the thinking for our kids, hampering their learning and curiosity.  HINT: Half the questions kids ask they already know the answer to. It is empowering for them to answer their own questions. BTW, this works on husbands, too!

•    Watch for opportunities to praise. We know to do this and we try, don’t we? Sometimes, instead of praising, we "nag the negatives" as a result of having too much on our minds. Here is a trick to up the ante on praise and cut back on the  nagging..."pay yourself" to do it!  When you notice yourself giving a really good bit of praise vow to "pay yourself" with a personal treat. When you notice yourself holding back on a "nagging moment", treat yourself again! Prearrange your treat so you’re sure to follow through on the reward.

•    Vow to take two things OFF YOUR LIST each day Yes, off your list! (Feels better already, right?) We all know we are TO BUSY most of the time. By not changing this behavior we are role modeling the insanely busy attitude as normal for our kids. It makes us snippy, less effective and frankly less fulfilled. Is this what we want to model for our kids?

These are three ways you can add time and quality to your life. And this way of “being” has you acting as a better role model for your kids. Enjoy adding these time and sanity savers to your To Do list today!

Parents, do you have questions raising your child with learning issues? You can raise confident capable kids despite learning issues. Reach out for answers to your most perplexing questions today!

Becky Scott

TheNavigatorsWay.com

How to Use Praise

Parents often have similar goals for their children, including shaping their behaviors and developing positive self-esteem. Praise can actually be an important tool for influencing both of these areas, if the praise is delivered appropriately. Here are tips for what to do (and what not to do!) when praising:

1. Do be specific: One of the most popular phrases that is used when praising a child is a simple, “Great job!” While it is nice to recognize a job well done, this is a prime example of non-specific praise. When children hear this type of feedback, they have a more difficult time linking the specific behavior with the praise. Children get a much different message when they hear, “I like how you’re keeping your hands to yourself,” or, “Way to keep working even though it was hard!”

2. Don’t reward only results: Think about what you’d like your child to learn from your praise. It’s not important that a picture was colored within the lines; however, it is important that your child exerts effort. “Wow, I like how you’re really concentrating on your work,” puts a value on the work, while, “Your picture looks great!” focuses on the final product.

3. Do ask your child to self-appraise: Ultimately, most parents want their children to feel good about themselves and make their own judgments about their work. Before jumping to praise, ask your child, “What do you like about this picture?” or “What do you think?” This teaches the child to evaluate themselves and find value in their labors.

4. Don’t insult when you praise: When you’ve been working on a skill with a child, it can be tempting to want to point out how present efforts are better than previous attempts. The problem arises because once the comparison is made, the child is likely to focus on the negative. For example, if you’ve been trying to practice putting dishes away after eating and your child (finally!) does this chore, restrain from remarking, “This is great, why can’t you always put your dishes away?” The child ends up feeling badly about himself or herself and will not likely follow through next time. A better comment would be to point out the positives of this choice, such as saying, “Wow, when you put your dishes away, you have much more time to play.” This builds esteem and allows the child to remember for next time why the choice was positive!

Although it may seem like the semantics are unimportant, try paying attention to the way you praise and see if it makes a difference in your child’s response. You may find that using specific praise helps to get the results you want.

Emily Herber is a child and family therapist at The Center for Psychological Services