Setting Limits and Avoiding Tantrums

When parents come into my office, there is a common question that I can bet will be asked at some point: How do I set limits but also avoid a tantrum? For children with learning difficulties, this can be especially tricky because there can be an additional stress component or difficulties with expressive language, which can further complicate matters.

Clarifying the Situation:

When families are struggling with frequent meltdowns, I ask parents a few questions to clarify the situation:

• What patterns are you noticing? 
• Is there a particular time of day that the child has this reaction? 
• What emotions are associated with the behavior? 
• Is your child reacting to an unmet basic need such as sleep or hunger? 

Defining the Factors:
Once a pattern is established, consider the factors involved. 

• If the reactions typically occur at the end of the day, what is your child trying to tell you? For example, are they tired at that point? Increased structure may improve your child's behaviors.
• If it happens in the morning, do you find yourself so rushed that your daughter does not have time to say goodbye?
• If tantrums occur in the afternoon, is your child exhausted from the school day? Adding a half hour of free time before starting homework can give him the break he needs.

If there is a pattern, it’s likely that there are identifiable triggers that can be addressed. Additions or changes in the routine can typically work to help to avoid predictable meltdowns. 

The Bottom Line:

Behavior is communication. When tantrums occur, ask yourself what your child is trying to tell you. 

Having trouble finding a pattern to the meltdowns? Next time I will address possible causes and solutions for tantrums that seem to come out of nowhere.

Emily Herber is a child and family therapist at the Center for Psychological Services.

The College Search: How Much Support Is Enough?

As students with learning differences and their families begin to think about post-secondary education options, two questions that are bound to come up are how much support will be needed and can the colleges of interest meet those needs.  While all colleges that receive federal funding are required to provide services for students with disabilities, the degree of support will vary widely.  While there are colleges specifically designed for students with learning differences such as Landmark College in Vermont and Beacon College in Florida, most traditional colleges will provide services that fall into three different categories: 

1. Highly structured specific programs
2. Coordinated special services
3. General services

Highly Structured Specific Programs:
            Colleges with highly structured specific programs offer the highest level of services for students.  These schools will typically require a separate application process separate from the college's own application.  Learning specialists will want to review the student's psychological-education evaluation and gain a better understanding of the student's learning strengths and challenges in order to determine whether the student is an appropriate fit for the program.  Services may include academic coaching, individual scheduled time with a learning specialist, access to professional tutors, and modified courses.  These programs are typically fee-based.

Coordinated Special Services:

             In coordinated special services, students will often be expected to be greater self-advocates who have some understanding of their learning challenges and how they affect their performance.  While some individualized services may be provided, that time is usually more limited.  Professional or peer tutoring services may be provided for students.

General Services:

             Students receiving general services should be highly motivated self-advocates for their learning.  While they may still receive accommodations for testing, students will need to demonstrate proper initiative in order to get them.

            Students should work with their teachers, learning specialists and counselors to help gain an understanding of what level of support is best for them.  By examining their level of readiness for college, gaining an understanding of their learning differences and comfort level in discussing their needs, and assessing their degree of maturity, families can make sure that their children are selecting the right colleges for a successful transition.

Thanks, Kristen

Kristen Tabun
Director of College Guidance
Woodlynde School

The Best Learning Environments For Dyslexics

We've all heard the factoid that everybody has a specific learning style that suits their brain best. You may have even taken an online test to help you determine whether you are primarily visual, kinesthetic, tactile , or auditory. As with most online quizzes, the truth is more complicated than can usually be captured in a few short questions! However, knowing how you most naturally process information can be helpful not just in education, but for the whole of life. However, there are a few 'learning styles' we all share that should be taken into account in any educational environment.

1. Children progress better in an active, play-based learning environment. This may seem too obvious to state, but it's true. Boredom is the death of learning. When children are actively engaged in a task or activity, that bit of knowledge being learned - whether practical or theoretical - is more easily made concrete in the brain. Recent pedagogical studies have brought this to light with empirical research; just Google it and you'll find many pages of relevant results! Children that are primarily kinesthetic learners especially thrive on this kind of learning environment, though all learning styles benefit from it.

2. Stress is the enemy of education. Stress reduces your cerebral activity and therefore your ability to succeed at a task. When the brain interprets there being a threat or risk of some kind, it shuts down all higher functioning and focuses on responding to the stressful situation at hand through the classic fight or flight paradigm. All kinds of learning require this higher brain functioning, so keeping activities which create anxiety or duress out of the classroom environment is key. If a child is too easily stressed, then it is important to try to build up his or her confidence through short, structured learning exercises where failure is an unlikely outcome.

3. Emotional “underload” can be just as bad as the opposite! Emotions play a key role in memory creation. And without memory, none of us would be very good at learning anything! We've all had experiences where we, for example, forget the rules of linear algebra but can remember in detail every type of cloud formation. This is probably because we couldn't care less about mathematics but fell in love with studying the water cycle in science class (it could happen!). When our emotions - excitement, fear, anger, happiness etc - are involved in an event, we are much more likely to retain that in our long-term memory. So while we wouldn't ever advocate a classroom environment of fear, the worst kind of learning environment is actually one of emotional 'underload', where we are disengaged from the learning process.

Combine these three key aspects of a good learning environment, and kids of all different types of learning styles will thrive! 

David Morgan is CEO of the Easyread System, an online course for children with reading difficulties. Easyread uses a highly visual approach to phonics that is designed specifically for children with dyslexia, auditory processing disorders, poor short-term memory, and more.

Uniquely competent, Resourceful and Whole with Learning Disabilities

Assume your child is Uniquely Competent, Resourceful and Whole. 

What would be different for you and your child if you fully embodied this outlook? Stop and think about the impact you could have if you really held this belief. As a parent you can set the emotional stage around many aspects of your child’s life, including their learning issue. The attitude you choose can have a profound and lasting influence on how you and your child deal with day-to-day challenges and longer-term attitudes around their learning disability.

Would changing your outlook around your child's learning disability help your child? Here is how to do just that!      

1.    Notice when you feel like your child is NOT Uniquely Competent, Resourceful and Whole

Catch yourself in the act of feeling bad, angry or upset about learning issues your child experiences. This can show up as an internal voice saying things like “ Why do I have a child with learning issues?” “Will he ever get this right?” “I feel so sorry for her.” It takes some practice to catch yourself listening to the “negative” thought playing in your head. If you listen closely, you will hear it. The trick is to catch the internal voice and be aware of it.

Having these thoughts is normal AND not very helpful. We all have negative internal voices but we don’t have to let them rule the day! Shifting your attitude can be as simple as replacing the “negative” thought you have with a more helpful and positive thought. This approach is like building a muscle. It hurts and doesn’t work very well at first...You must keep at it to make a difference.

2.    Review all of your child’s life – not just the hard parts.

There are many aspects to a young persons life. Are you to focused on the areas that are difficult, challenging and feel like they are not working? Shifting your focus to an area that is working can build confidence and determination. Feeling good at something builds resilience. Resilience gets stored like energy in a battery. This energy is then ready to be used for a more challenging task. Focusing on areas that are working is a resilience builder!

3.    Don't over look Unique Talents

Unique Talents are a storehouse for positivity! Engage your child’s unique talents no matter how crazy it may seem. A little girl I knew, loved to get dressed up with fancy shoes and a pretty dress for dinner and have “talk time” with her family. The parents indulged her unique talent of bringing the family together once a week. 20 years later this young woman runs a social media department for a major leading brand! She has always loved bringing people together and her parents supported the importance of her belief. Nurturing Unique Talents does make a difference!

4.    Help your children learn to be resourceful

Someone who is resourceful will reach out when they need help. Reaching out is the capacity to ask others for help or advice. A person with learning issues often has key people to reach out to that help with all kinds of things. For instance, reaching out for help to find computer programs that can aid with mathematics, writing and organization for people with learning issues. Teaching your child who to go to for help and when to go for help is a great way to be resourceful so challenges don’t become problems.

Parents help children learn how to feel good about themselves by learning to manage their own lives and feel good about the decisions they make. How the parent feels about a child’s learning issue is contagious. In order to help create strong self-esteem a parent can adopt the attitude that their child is Uniquely Competent, Resourceful and Whole just the way they are!

Tune in next time for how to teach good decision making!

Demystifying ADHD

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, commonly referred to as ADHD, is a disorder that we are getting better at identifying and addressing as research studies and understanding of the brain improve.  But I notice time and again in my work with families that parents have difficulty understanding why it is that their child with ADHD functions as they do: why they can’t manage their belongings, get ready to leave the house on time, complete homework independently, and so on and so on.  A thorough description of the disorder and specificity in the subtype affecting their child (Inattentive Type, Hyperactive Type, Combined Type) is insufficient even when it is thorough and highly detailed. 

It is this one sentence that makes all the difference, one to which parents invariably reply, “Oh, now I get it!”

Individuals with ADHD generally function at a 30% developmental delay in areas of performance that rely on executive functions.

It’s the 30% part that they get. 

“Oh, so my 12 year old actually functions like he is eight?,” says a mother. 

“Yes,” I reply. 

“That makes so much sense,” she says, her husband nodding away beside her. 

Now the conversation can really take off:

Me: “So, would you expect an 8-year-old to complete his homework without reminders and guidance?”

Parent: “No, I wouldn’t.”

Me: “Would you expect him to remember to brush his teeth, put his clothes in the hamper, and get his backpack ready for school on his own?”

Parent: “No way.”

And so it goes, through the conversation about cleaning his room, getting ready for school in the morning, leaving his belongings all over the place, remembering to do chores.

ADHD is a disorder of inhibition and self-regulation seen in deficits in executive functioning that cause impairments in an individual’s ability to perform at an age-appropriate level.  One might think of the executive functions as the use of self-directed actions to choose goals and then select, enact, and sustain actions across time in furtherance of those goals.  Individuals with ADHD cannot demonstrate the expected level of skill in selecting goals and then behaving in the manner needed to attain those goals.  Their thinking is predominantly (and at young ages even exclusively) of the now, rather than the later and so working toward a goal (in the future) is quite difficult. 

An understanding of the 30% developmental delay enables adults who work with the youngster to think of his or her chronological age (e.g., 15 years) as well as the ever important executive age (e.g., 10).  In doing so it is easier to set and support expectations that are appropriate to the student’s current ability (as opposed to expectations based predominately on age-based norms).

By its nature, ADHD is a performance disorder, not a problem in the acquisition of knowledge.  The individual’s intelligence is intact as is her knowledge base; she understands what to do.  The problem lays in performance, despite knowing what to do, she cannot do it. 

We must thus think about interventions like this:

•  What structures does this child need to succeed?
•  How much guidance must be inherent in those structures?
•  How do we motivate this particular child?

Those interventions then need to be modified at the point of performance such as the classroom or during the completion of homework, not later.  And appropriate changes in expectations must be made and sustained.

Remember, if your child is operating at a 30% delay in executive functioning, he or she is unable to self-regulate at an age-appropriate level.  Expecting him to is setting him up for frustration and failure.  It’s setting yourself up for the same.  

• What expectations have you been putting on your child that he is not ready to fulfill?  
• How have you been reacting when she has failed to meet them?  
• How is he telling you he feels when he fails to live up to your expectations?

If you would like to learn more about executive functions and practical ways to address their development in the home and classroom, there are many books available for resource. Two that I often recommend to parents in my practice is:  Late, Lost, and Unprepared: A Parent's Guide Guide to Helping Children with Executive Functioning by Joyce Cooper-Kahn & Laurie Deitzel or Smart but Scattered, by Peg Dawson.

Thanks, Jennifer
Jennifer Jackson Holden, Psy.D.

Clinical and Educational Psychologist

Center for Psychological Services

Paoli, Pennsylvania

www.centerpsych.com

drjenniferholden@gmail.com

610-647-6406, ext 3

7 Free Activities that Develop Abstract Thinking and Critical Reasoning

In middle school, there is often a shift from concrete to abstract ways of thinking.  This new expectation of higher order language skills and conceptual reasoning can be challenging for many students.  Consequently, many young learners need to practice this skill and strengthen this cognitive processing area.  You can help by doing some simple activities.

7 Activities You Can Do at Home

• Watch commercials on television or look at advertisements in magazines and discuss the hidden messages or inferences.
• Model abstract thinking by thinking aloud.
• Ask your children to help plan an event or activity.  Also have them help you plan meals and create a grocery list.
• Create sorting and organizational activities.  Ask your children how they would like to organize their clothing, toys and school materials. Then help them purchase the needed the products (such as cubbies, clear bins, shelving, binders) and make it happen.
• Play the following Main Idea and Detail Game.  Think of a main idea such as transportation.  Communicate details - one at a time - such as car, plane, rollerblades… and see who can come up with the main idea first. 
• Have fun trying to solve riddles.  Here is a site you can try: http://www.rinkworks.com/brainfood/p/riddles1.shtml
• Look at jokes on the internet and discuss what makes them funny.  Check out this site: http://www.squiglysplayhouse.com/JokesAndRiddles/Jokes.html   Jokes often use words that have double meanings.  Make a list of words that have double meanings and see if you can create your own joke book.

Free Sample Activities
If you would rather use a workbook that strengthens these skills, come get free sample pages and activities from the workbook:  Abstracting Thinking and Multiple Meanings: Developing Higher Order Language and Mental Flexibility Through Critical Thinking and Visualization.  Go to the middle of the page for a direct download:  http://goodsensorylearning.com/abstract-thinking.html

Cheers, Erica

Fearless Parenting Despite Learning Disabilites!

The dynamic between kids and parents is powerful. When it is used to its best advantage it moves mountains.  Kids with learning issues need their parents to be:

• Confident
• Optimistic  
• Compassionate
• Well informed about their child's learning disability

They also want their parents to:

• Understand where they are challenged
• Trouble shoot compensatory strategies 
• Advocate in a big way for their ability to succeed

One of the best ways a child with a learning disability learns to thrive is by watching their parents handle their issues effectively and confidently. Have you jumped right in when it comes to the learning issue in your family? I know it can be a very scary thing to jump right in….

How Can You Do This?
Get to know your "total package"

• The good to the challenging
• The ins and outs 
• The difficult parts and the easier parts 

Knowing the whole picture is a powerful tool in helping a person with a learning disability put their best foot forward. You need to learn about:

• Disability rights in school, in the community and in the workplace
• Reasonable accommodations
• School procedures
• Support networks
• Neuropsychological assessments

Doing these things will help find answers to perplexing questions so you or your child can create a successful and fulfilling life.

I Know First Hand:
You see, I know first hand how scary it can be to “jump right in” around raising your child in a world that likes to put people into boxes. “Focus on your strengths,” I kept saying to our youngest son who had awful learning issues. AND “Know your weaknesses so they don’t surprise you and get you down when you’re not looking,” I would say. And you know, as well as I do, that there is a whole lot more…

Let Me Help:
I am living my dream of helping parents who have kids with learning issues.  I compassionately coach parents, individuals and young adults with learning disabilities to take a hold of their dreams by:

• Using their strengths to counter balance weaknesses
• Know their weaknesses and use compensatory strategies to ease the times they can't side step a difficult task.
• Know their passions & unique talents that can help find places they can shine!

Let’s talk… This is important stuff… I am looking forward to hearing from you!
The Navigator's Way - Living Well with Learning Disabilities!

www.TheNavigatorsWay.com
https://www.facebook.com/TransformLD

The Top 4 Ways Kids Learn through Play

As a play therapist, one of the most common questions I hear from parents is, “How does play help my child?” The truth is that there are so many ways children learn through play that it would be difficult to list them all! Here are the top 4 ways children learn through play:

1. Using all Senses to Explore: 
When a child engages in play, they eagerly explore their world in a multifaceted way. If you’ve seen a child with a new toy, you’ve seen this discovery process. Typically, the child visually inspects a toy while using their hands to feel the object. In younger children, the toy commonly enters the mouth for a taste as well. The toy may be hit to hear what sound it can make. All of these experiments provide information for the child to take in about the toy and its potential for different uses. 

2. Accessing Imagination: 
When children play pretend, they learn what it is like to take on a different persona and imagine how it might feel to be someone else.  This is key for building empathy. They may explore what it might be like to be a chef, a doctor, a teacher, a parent, or another role. These experiences give them the opportunity to develop their own self-concept.  In addition, it allows them to see alternate paths for themselves.

3. Problem-Solving on their own Terms: 
During play, a child will likely encounter problems within the activity or around the logistics of play. For example, how do you build a bridge out of blocks that will connect the couch with the coffee table that will also support the people that need to cross? Allowing space for a child to solve his or her own problems provides tools for doing so in other situations and promotes self-esteem and independence. 

4. Experiencing Social Cues to Build Skills: 
Children playing together will inevitably create times of harmony and times of chaos. As children navigate the play, they learn how to share toys, take turns, experience disputes, and resolve the conflict. Each action will have a reaction, and when a child is motivated to continue playing with their friend they learn that their decisions and behaviors will impact how long they are able to play. Although children sometimes benefit from adult input (especially guiding questions that help them resolve the situation rather than telling them what to do), children are generally able to create their own resolutions, learning important social skills in the process.

The next time your child is stuck, consider what elements of play could be infused to improve their learning. Would a multi-sensory approach allow for better understanding of the problem? Would playing pretend improve their understanding of the assignment? Find regular times to include play in your routine and see how your child responds.

Best, Emily

Emily Herber is a child and family therapist at the Center for Psychological Services.

College Preparation Strategies for Students with Learning Disabilities

When it is time to apply to colleges, many students with learning disabilities regret that they didn’t begin the preparation process sooner.  In fact, planning for college should commence freshman year in high school.  Here is a checklist that can help students to create possibilities and maximize their higher education options.  

High School Freshmen

• Start now with college prep courses.

• Study hard and aim for good grades. It does matter!

• Become involved in activities.

• Get work experience and begin saving money for college.

• At your IEP meetings, start to become your own voice, your own advocate.

High School Sophomores

• Take the PSAT in the spring for practice.

• Stay on top of your academic work. Seek help if needed.

• Get involved in your community.

• Register for an SAT/ACT prep course or take online practice exams for free.

• Start researching colleges.

• Take the PSAT in the fall for practice.

• Register for an SAT/ACT test in the spring.

• Continue to study hard and get good grades.

• Prioritize the factors most important to you in a college or university (i.e. size of school, location, class size).

• Make a preliminary list of colleges of interest.

• Attend college fairs and high school visits.

• Visit schools and ask your top questions.

• Contact your school district’s vocational rehabilitation counselor – get retested.

High School Seniors

• Explore majors that match your skills and interest, but know that it is perfectly NORMAL and okay NOT to know what major you want. Take advantage of career exploration programs offered through your high school and local colleges.

• Clarify application and financial aid deadlines for each school.

• Register for the October SAT/ACT.

• Learn how to build a college essay.

• Visit and interview at various schools.

• Submit applications to more than one school.

• Keep working hard in your classes. Grades still count.

• Complete the FAFSA (financial aid application).

• Make your final college choice.

High School Juniors

By getting an early start on the college process and following the suggestions outlined in this blog, students with learning disabilities can create possibilities and craft an outstanding college application.  If you need one to one guidance, feel free to contact me for an individualized approach.

All the best, David

David Carson, LD Coach and Mentor

David Carson is coach and mentor for students with learning disabilities and is also the author, of the Survival Guide for College Bound LD Students.  

Guiding the LD/ADHD College Student toward Success

            Despite seeing first-hand the success that students with learning differences and/or ADHD can have when they make the transition from high school to college, I am very troubled by the statistics for the LD/ADHD population as a whole.  In light of these statistics that show students with diagnosed learning differences and ADHD complete college at a lesser rate than those without disabilities, it is important for students with college aspirations to develop strategies for success.

            One reason students with learning disabilities and ADHD may struggle in college, even after being successful in high school, is that the laws protecting them change.  While students in high school are protected by the Individuals with Disabilities in Education Act (IDEA), once they become college students they are no longer granted the types of entitlements that IDEA guarantees.  For example, individual counseling, tutoring and one-on-one aides are no longer required to be provided to the student upon entering college.  Under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and Section 504, which is a civil rights law, colleges and universities, are not obligated to provide services which are considered unreasonable and may alter course requirements. Some examples of services or accommodations that may be difficult to obtain in college, even if they were not in high school, include access to study guides, additional time to complete assignments and projects, and alternative assignments or assessments.  Students should also not expect their requirements for reading assignments or the length of assignments to be altered.  For the first time in their lives, it is incumbent upon the student to disclose any disability, provide necessary documentation and request services.  Some research indicates that less than 25 percent of students who attend post-secondary institutions share information about their disability with the schools, a situation that leaves many of them vulnerable to failure.

            Still, there is hope.  Some ways that high school students can prepare themselves for this transition include:

·      Challenging themselves academically when they are in high school so there is a better understanding of what they can do at the college level.

·      Learning to explain their difficulties and how it affects their performance before they get to campus. 

·     Disclosing their learning differences, even if they think they may want to give their courses a try without the use of accommodations.  If a student has already been approved for special testing accommodations, for example, it will be easier to activate them once the student decides to utilize them.  Otherwise, the process can take some time, and the student continues to struggle in the meantime.

·     Establishing a relationship with the support services staff on the college campus.  Many students who complete their degree programs do so in part because of the special relationships they had established with the support staff.

·     Participating in dual-enrollment programs with local colleges that allow students to take a college course, often on the college campus with college students, while still in high school.  Participating in college courses provides an opportunity for students to know success while also learning the differences between high school and college, all while establishing relationships with faculty and academic support staff. 

·      Researching which professors are most likely to be supportive of students with learning differences once they have matriculated.

·      Investigating the possibility of obtaining waivers or substitutions for certain curricular requirements.

·      Requesting preferential seating, a planning agenda, and additional planning and study time.

            Upon choosing to matriculate, LD/ADHD students must continue to use these strategies and be open to implementing new ones in order to enhance the likelihood of earning a degree and setting themselves up for success upon graduation.

Thanks, Kristen

Kristen Tabun,
Director of College Guidance
Woodlynde School