
One of the greatest challenges to parents of children with learning disabilities is acknowledging and addressing their own grief. As much as they love their child, he or she is not who they expected. To fully value the child they have, it is necessary to grieve the child they lost. In working with families where a learning disability is present, this is a factor that is often overlooked and that when successfully addressed can create a profound change in the system.
I recently read the
following inspirational essay by Emily Perl Kingsley, the mother of a child
with Down Syndrome, that describes this experience so beautifully. I share it with you here:
When you're going to
have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a
bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The
Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in
Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of
eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.
Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says,
"Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?"
you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed
to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed
of going to Italy."
But there's been a
change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing
is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of
pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

But everyone you
know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what
a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say
"Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that
will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very
very significant loss.
But... if you spend
your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free
to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Go give your child a hug, and get one back!
Jennifer
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